Wheeeee
“We know you have hemorrhoids, so no need to recommend movie tickets or condoms. By the way, there’s now a 4.6352% higher probability of your relationship ending within [duration algo result of search behavior to mean hemorrhoid breakout length] because you’re [age demographic]. We’ll recommend chocolates and flowers in a week, followed by strip clubs, because you’re likely to cling desperately and then act hedonistically given the content of your communications.”
“Wait, did we say that out loud? Enjoy reading your email!”
